© John Wettlaufer

Talking about death, and the problems I have with death, the truth is: I want more time. Lots of time. Much more than the 70, 80, 90 years, or whatever you’re getting these days- if you’re lucky!

It’s simple really: I lack time. I need big quantities of additional time, before I could even consider the possibility of death.

Who wouldn’t? It totally eludes me how there seems to be quite a number of people who don’t. I mean, I still haven’t learned to play the piano, which I’ve longed to do since I was a child- so far I can’t even read notes!
I’m fond of snow- the world seeming intensely fresh while covered in it, but I’ve never been to the North Pole, or anywhere near the Arctic. The Arctic Ocean is some 4000 meters deep, but you can walk on it… That must be mind-blowing!
I’ve visited China only once, briefly. I would love going back and staying there for a while… I could go on and on and on. The planet is huge, and full of miracles and wonders!

I also like languages; a new language gives you a free ride on an entirely different culture. You get to know people with different ideas, thoughts, manners. You realize how small your own world is.

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I don’t speak Arabic, nor Russian, Spanish – still there are these huge areas in the world where they do. I did start with Arabic once, after 9/11. I realized how little I knew about the Middle East, nor did I get it why a lot of Arabs seemed to be quite angry.
It’s a beautiful language, Arabic, very rich, and it has great poets. Yet I quit after some years. Too much homework, too little time.

What about books? There are too many writers, too many books I still want to read! Take Proust. The story of finding time lost: ‘À la Recherche du Temps Perdu‘. Seven books, 1.5 million words… That’s a lot of words for bedtime reading!

And I haven’t mentioned friends yet. Nor family. Too often victims of a life too short. Or how to start on True Love…! Ethereal and elusive most of the time.

Of course, it’s not what this is about. If I would be really honest, I would have to admit that all I want is to accomplish something meaningful in life; something worth doing. More than anything else. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that one thing yet…

At the same time, to envision my life being filled with shopping and holidays and doing the laundry seems quite empty- apart from earning a living. Besides, I don’t like holidays. I’m neither crazy about the laundry, nor shopping- however important. And to be just me for the rest of my days, swimming in a sea of self..? No! There must be more to life. Much more.

I told you: all I need is time. More time.

4 Comments, RSS

  1. Cahen de Martin Claire 01-03-2017 @ 04:42

    Il est urgent de relire Baudelaire : “La chair est triste et j’ai lu tous les livres”. Mais surtout Sénèque avec son traité sur la Brièveté de la vie.

    • Alexa Khan 28-03-2017 @ 13:13

      Merci beaucoup pour votre réaction, Claire! Et pour votre conseil de relire Baudelaire et Mallarmé (Brise Marine); c’est vrai, et je le ferai. Concernant Sénèque, je ne le connais pas bien, mais je crois que je suis encore très loin de la sérénité devant l’acceptation de la mort, comme il proclame. J’ai commandée son ‘De La Brièveté de La Vie,’ et je vous tienne au courant de mon progrès par ‘Shadows.’ Merci de nouveau!

  2. Ton van Schaik 02-03-2017 @ 12:39

    It seems to me that one has to make choices…
    There is an endless list of places, people and things to see, to learn, to do and to experience… but we have to make choices, even if we aren’t in a position to choose, or worse, if we don’t want to make up our minds about the next step to take in our journey of life.
    Perhaps some interesting reflections on this subject could be found in the past!
    Todays people have the privelege to look into past and history – even the events of yesterday – why? Besides nature and natural events the men’s world – as we experience it – is built on the results of creating or doing things. Obvious matters like buildings, music, art, books, food, electicity, websites and cloths are the results of our modern way of creation and consumption but everything is based on accumulations of things somebody created in the past as a scientist, a farmer, a writer etc.
    It seems to me that a life without creating anything doesn’t exist. Only consumption, traveling, gaming or experiencing doesn’t give the fulfillments we are looking for; at least most of us are looking for…
    Back to the endless list: within the chaos of possibilities you have to make your choices for your part of the creation process otherwise you end up in a kind of hibernation as time passes.

    Wishing you ongoing success with your blogs, Ton

    • Alexa Khan 28-03-2017 @ 13:33

      Thank you very much for your reaction, Ton! And yes, apparently choices have to be made. But that’s exactly the part I don’t like- which is why I want more time! I agree, a bit of a dead-end alley, so to speak. Literally and figurative. Yet I won’t give up, I’m afraid. Who knows?

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